It's Christmas!

     I went back and forth on deciding whether to post this or not. I don't want to post a depressing post on Christmas, when time with friends and family is supposed to be fun and exciting and full of happiness. Things aren't like that for us. My mom is an alcoholic and  our "relationship" is non-existent at best. I was so delighted and thought things were going to be good this year after she came over and spent time with Nina. She lives about a 5 minute drive away, and within walking distance but I only see her once every few months. This year since we had planned to go out of town she arrange to drive the 5 hours to my sisters house with her boyfriend. My sister told her there would be no drinking. She agree'd and I had faith that she would do it. She's going to see my sister, and my niece and she'd do it for them. Some kind of Christmas miracle or something. Maybe this would be important enough for her to follow through and stay sober. My sister called me at noon, totally devastated because my mom is a few hours away ( her boyfriends driving) and sounds completely wasted. She was going to tell her to turn around and just go home but it's not fair to her boyfriend or sadly, his son, who is also with them. I am NOT an advocate for drinking in a car driving or not. I think here in Alberta we could use much stronger drinking and driving laws. I've seen too many people get away with too much and not get any punishment. I've had an uncle, my moms brother, drink and drive and get into an accident and die leaving 5 kids behind. Two of which were under 10.

     I'm looking at Nina right now and I want this Christmas, and every Christmas, to be really amazing for her. It's her "first" ( last year she was only 6 months, she didn't understand) but my heart is breaking for my sister. She deserved to have a great Christmas with her family and not have grandma show up drunk. I wish there was something I could do to change the situation for her but I can't. My mom's made her choice and what's done is done. I guess all I can do is be available for my sister if she needs to vent it out, and all we can do as parents is put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay for the kids. It's easier for me with out having to physically be in the situation. I wish just once she wouldn't let my sister down. They don't see each other often, once a year maybe.

     I've written posts like this before and I usually delete them. I just need to vent and get it off my chest and I try to keep my blog as positive as I can for the most part. Even now as I'm wrapping up ( lol pun intended!!) I can't decide whether to save, publish or just forget I ever wrote this. With Christmas I want to be cheerful and happy for my family and every one around me but I feel like I'm being torn apart on the inside. I guess there's nothing that can be done now.