Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Years Eve

     I don't make resolutions. I never have, and as this blog has proven over and over again I am terrible at setting goals. Even worse at sticking to them, and hardly ever accomplish them. Even though this really has been such a great year for my family, the last few weeks have had me stressed out and feeling negative. The great thing about this year is that it's done. I'm going to accept that it's over, and move on to next year. I'm going to forget all the negative things that I've been feeling down about and start the new year refreshed, with out goals, and with out pressure.

     Tomorrow I'm going to update my stats, post my pictures, and essentially start over. Not really, because I have worked hard these last few months. I'm just going to use the new year to refocus and concentrate on what I want to be doing and where I want to be and take it day by day.

     Happy new years eve and as always remember not to drink and drive! Be safe!!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Eff you Wii Fit.

     I have not been doing my best lately, I haven't even been trying. Since I got my Wii Fit for Christmas I've been steadily GAINING weight. Not huge amounts or even lbs but it is slowly going up and not down. I don't like that so starting today I'm back to making sure I stay in my calories and logging everything. I'm pretty good now with logging everything i eat but sometimes I go over my calories and it doesn't bother me but now i have to stop if i want to actually lose weight.

     I'm starting to redecorate upstairs, starting with the craft/reading room so I'll post some pics. I'm really excited I've never been able to design a room and have it just for me  and be able to buy anything i want or paint any color i want. It's going to be beautiful lol.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas!!

     Thanks everybody for for the well wishes yesterday! Christmas was a great day for me and my husband and Nina. My dad came over and I made a roast chicken and it turned out ah-maz-ing. (if I do say so myself!) So I have a pretty good day and now I'm going to go get my festive on (aka eggnogg - the eggnog + ryes n cokes) and watch The Grinch with Adrian now that the baby is in bed!! Merry Christmas everybody!!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

It's Christmas!

     I went back and forth on deciding whether to post this or not. I don't want to post a depressing post on Christmas, when time with friends and family is supposed to be fun and exciting and full of happiness. Things aren't like that for us. My mom is an alcoholic and  our "relationship" is non-existent at best. I was so delighted and thought things were going to be good this year after she came over and spent time with Nina. She lives about a 5 minute drive away, and within walking distance but I only see her once every few months. This year since we had planned to go out of town she arrange to drive the 5 hours to my sisters house with her boyfriend. My sister told her there would be no drinking. She agree'd and I had faith that she would do it. She's going to see my sister, and my niece and she'd do it for them. Some kind of Christmas miracle or something. Maybe this would be important enough for her to follow through and stay sober. My sister called me at noon, totally devastated because my mom is a few hours away ( her boyfriends driving) and sounds completely wasted. She was going to tell her to turn around and just go home but it's not fair to her boyfriend or sadly, his son, who is also with them. I am NOT an advocate for drinking in a car driving or not. I think here in Alberta we could use much stronger drinking and driving laws. I've seen too many people get away with too much and not get any punishment. I've had an uncle, my moms brother, drink and drive and get into an accident and die leaving 5 kids behind. Two of which were under 10.

     I'm looking at Nina right now and I want this Christmas, and every Christmas, to be really amazing for her. It's her "first" ( last year she was only 6 months, she didn't understand) but my heart is breaking for my sister. She deserved to have a great Christmas with her family and not have grandma show up drunk. I wish there was something I could do to change the situation for her but I can't. My mom's made her choice and what's done is done. I guess all I can do is be available for my sister if she needs to vent it out, and all we can do as parents is put on a happy face and pretend everything is okay for the kids. It's easier for me with out having to physically be in the situation. I wish just once she wouldn't let my sister down. They don't see each other often, once a year maybe.

     I've written posts like this before and I usually delete them. I just need to vent and get it off my chest and I try to keep my blog as positive as I can for the most part. Even now as I'm wrapping up ( lol pun intended!!) I can't decide whether to save, publish or just forget I ever wrote this. With Christmas I want to be cheerful and happy for my family and every one around me but I feel like I'm being torn apart on the inside. I guess there's nothing that can be done now.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Okay Then.

     Things really seem to be turning around. Today is just such a great day. Today is my husbands 38th birthday!! Also I won a candle from an online giveaway, which is just SO much fun I've never won anything before so I am just stoked. I ordered some books a few days ago and some make up so I'll be receiving so much good mail the next few weeks.

     My mom came over yesterday and it was actually a good time. Not as bad as I was expecting I actually am really glad she came and spent some time (even if it was only half an hour!) with Nina. They opened some presents and mom played dolls with her. It was nice to see her being a grandma, I just wish it happened more often but what can you do?! I'm appreciating the time we had.

     As I said earlier in my post today is my husband, Adrians, 38th birthday. I haven't been feeling good today so I only ate a cheese string and drank a glass of juice so I think I'm going to order something for a special treat. Actually I could order just about anything and still stay in my calories for the day. Adrian wants pizza and wings so we'll see. I reallly want some ribs lol.

     So after yesterday I weighed in again today and I am back down to 158. This is starting to get annoying, but I'll take it.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Feeling discouraged.

     I weighed myself today and the scale said 162. I keep going back and forth and up and down and I keep trying to change what I'm doing and find what's working but it doesn't seem to work it's annoying. I am just annoyed. I thought it would be easier I guess. I just need to stop stressing and carry on with what I'm doing and eventually it will work but I am so impatient. I need to just not give up I guess, even though it's hard.

    On a more depressing note, my moms coming over tonight. I am not looking forward to that. Hopefully she doesn't bring her boyfriend, and hopefully she doesn't stick around long. Wish me luck.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Less then 1 week until Christmas!

     I am just so excited.  We`re not really having a dinner or anything special. We were going to go skiing but I think we`re going to opt out of driving on the highways Christmas eve & day and spend the time here at home since it`s Adrians only day off (Christmas Day). Nina is going to be so excited I can`t wait to see her opening her presents!  ( not to mention opening mine! even though they`re not a surprise :( ) Speaking of presents, my party Saturday was SO much fun even though I fell asleep. It was such a long day I was so tired. My secret santa was my friend Jenn and she got me the cutest little teapot and I`ve used it so much already. Drinking tea as I am writing this.

     So after Christmas is New Years (obviously) I`ve never made a new years resolution and I don`t plan to this year. I just want to carry on doing what I`m doing.  This last year has been amazing for me. Lots of changes, and lots of really great things have happened for us this last year and I`m hoping next year just gets better.

     I`ve still been tracking my food the last few days but it has been a little crazy and all over the place. I haven`t been training for my virtual 5 K at all I keep meaning to but I`ve been going crazy trying to get ready for Christmas and my party and everything so hopefully now that everything is finished with it`ll be a priority again.

     I did WI on the 17th like I had planned and I was down 2 lbs. Better then I expected but not as great as I was hoping for. Still I suppose it was just on track with what I am aiming for, 1 lb a week. At this pace it will wake me 1 year from my start date to lose 52 lbs so  I will still not be at my goal weight by June 15th ( my 1 year start date) I feel a little disappointed that it`s going to take so long. I expected to be dropping bigger numbers every week but the more weight I lose the slower is seems to be coming off so I think ( hope) that I can at least carry on at this pace, rather then stop losing all together lol.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Uh Oh!!

     My sister sent me a parcel yesterday with a ton of Christmas presents in it.( Thanks, sister!!) Hidden in the deepest, darkest corner was...chocolate... all kinds of chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate covered raisins... I had a few ( & counted them, so it's not cheating!!) but now those chocolately temptations are hidden away in the cupboard. Unfortunately out of sight is NOT our of mind for this guy. I was doing so well I have no idea why these tiny little sweeties are giving me so much trouble lately. Sour Patch kids & M&Ms in my cupboard were bad enough but now I have such gooood chocolates. Testing my will. I'll just have to avoid them. I havent been thus far but I need to regain focus before I gain back all my weight in chocolate.

     Other then not WI, I haven't been sticking to my goals very well. I've had drinks a few times, I've been eating sweets and I haven't been running. Well that's not true, I have but not nearly as often as I should be. It's hard to find the time now. Not that that is a good excuse. ( I totally just had to google to see if double that is grammatically correct and did not find an answer so it stays! )

     We desperately need to go grocery shopping but thanks to Adrians work we have to wake the baby up and go in the middle of the night. Thank god for Christmas hours and most places are open 24 hours. It just sucks but we're running out of the basics we usually have stocked up.  I'm also having a girls night christmas party so I'm busy planning snacks and trying to make sure they're all healthy choices not only for myself (& ayla) but I kind of like to show that healthy cooking isn't necessarily boring or tasteless all the time. Not that my friends do think that.  I really have no idea what they think, but they've expressed interest in losing weight so it can't hurt!!

     I'm going to try and get in a run ( i just wrote nap lol) while the baby naps this afternoon. Wish me luck in staying away from the chocolates guys!!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Yesterday was a disaster.

     My dad never came, which I guess I'm sort of used to, and expected. We had an easy day at home anyways. I was looking forward to a little alone time since I don't  get too much of it. I don't mind though it just would have been nice is all. Oh well! My food was kind of all over the place I wasn't feeling good so I  skipped breakfast and had a huge lunch & dinner. Dinner was Chinese food since Subway was closed....clearly the best option. It's okay though it's nice once in a while but I'm not feeling as confident about my weigh in that is in 5 days. I'm bloated from my TOM and I had been doing so well with working out and food wise up until yesterday. Back to normal today though so hopefully it's not too bad.

     The horse ride was fun to start until Nina didn't want to wear her gloves or hat then she just whined and cried and threw things all over and at the very end just screamed and screamed. I felt bad cause I'm sure every one else didn't want to hear it but it's not like I had anywhere to go, I was on a horse buggy! I felt terrible though. She did love the lights though. It's hard to find holiday activities for us with adrians schedule now. As it is, he won't even see Nina until next Sunday night again. I feel bad cause he misses her. Sometimes he wakes her up in the morning so he can see her before work but then I have to wake up an hour early and it messes up her whole sleep patterns.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Yesterday was O-K.

     and by okay, I mean not my greatest day. I ate a shit ton of M&M's... those delicious little bastards. It's my TOM so I blame that, also to blame for my raging emotions. After my run yesterday I felt much better but I don't think I'll do much running today I feel like shit. So unfair. Nina was a monster after she woke up from her nap so we went for a walk too, and checked out some Holiday (read:Christmas) decorations & lights around the hood and got lost and took forever to find my way home. Not necessarily a bad thing, but my hands were real cold.

     Today my dad is coming to take Nina for the afternoon so I'll have a little bit of actual free time. Nice long bath with no listening for crying baby and being able to eat with out grunting. It's going to be amazing. Tonight we're going to Candy Cane Lane for a horse ride! (note to self: bring gloves) & subway for dinner. Man do I love subway.

     Even with the M&M fiasco I'm feeling better good about weigh in on Saturday. I'm not expecting anything amazing but some kind of loss would be nice.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Week 2...again.

     I'm feeling energized again today. I'm just holding out for Nina to take a nap and I'm going to start week 2 of the C25K. I'm really struggling with... emotions? I don't know. I feel happy, then sad, then angry just feel like I am losing my mind. I'm trying really hard to keep myself positive and not to sweat the small stuff but one minute I'm so happy and the next I'm just annoyed and cheesed off for no reason. I'll probably feel better after my run. I hope so anyways. I find that my whole day revolves around food. I'm either eating, thinking of eating, thinking about what I am going to eat or thinking about what I want to eat. I really need some kind of hobby or something, a way to distract myself because it's becoming really overwhelming and pretty obsessive. I'm probably just going stir-crazy from always being stuck inside the house. There's not really much for us to do lately it's so windy, even though it's been pretty nice.

     That reminds me I have to go see if i can reprogram my HRM for my new weight so my calories are more on track.

Friday, December 9, 2011

I am hungry... I think?

     Nina is napping so I'm taking a breather... bed time tonight is going to be a fight, that is for sure. Her sleep schedule is just way off now with our crazy hours here at home. Hopefully I can get her down at a decent enough time that I can work out tonight. I played Wii tennis the other day and my arm STILL hurts, I am such a wimp.

     I'm having some crazy mood swings lately, a few days ago I seriously could have punched myself in the face I was hating life and today I caught myself thinking how great my life is. I do not know what is up with that, but I'll chalk it up to PMS again. I also cried like a baby watching The Biggest Loser a few days ago... which is totally not like me!

     All day today all I can think about is FOOD. When I woke up until now it's just been on my mind all day. I want to eat eat eat. I'm going to start dinner now, cause I am sooo hungry omg. I think my hungryomeder is broken. Actually now that  think about it the baby just went to sleep so i'm going to have some tea and chill out until she wakes up and then start dinner. Tonight I'm making Shepard's Pie from Skinny Taste, this is seriously the BEST website. Everything I've tried from there has been SO amazing. Last night I made turkey zucinni burgers and I had another today for lunch. Her recipes never disappoint.

     Well off to enjoy my quiet time and then start dinner I guess. I'm hoping to find a good crock pot one for tomorrow! I might have to try that salsa chicken Katy!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

My 3 legged cat is giving me stink eye.

     I think he's plotting to kill me. So if I don't post again... you know what's up. It's been a lazy day here at home. The baby is napping. We were going to go for a walk when she woke up but she's been sleeping for hours and now it's dark out. HER LOSS IMO. Chill day here... I need to use my mini crock pot more often! It seems to have really taken all the work out of my day. I prepared my snacks/lunch(leftovers) and dinner first thing when I woke up and it really left my full day open to a lot of nothing. I want to say I wish we had better weather but considering it's almost mid-december it's actually fairly nice...

     I just heard a loud bang from upstairs and nearly pooped myself. It was just my razor falling off the wall. Woke the baby up cause I thought she might be dead... it's been almost 4 hours! She's alive.

     I (re)finished week 1 of the C25K today. With my calorie bump and getting back to the C25K I'm feeling really optimistic about my WI on the 17th.Last night Adrian and I played lots of Wii, bowling and tennis and I woke up sore today, how pathetic is that!! I think I need to start stretching in the morning, I'm starting to feel really stiff in my shoulders and back I don't know if it's just from the weather or what but I always feel a little looser after I stretch a little. Maybe I just need a long soak in my tub tonight!! Tomorrow I'm going to the gym with Ayla, then a little shopping!! I'll have to go to bed early tonight. I'll need to look for a new water bottle since Nina broke mine last week when I went to the gym.

     I'm going to look for some more crock pot recipes!! Any favorites from you guys!?

Monday, December 5, 2011

I can't think of a witty title.

     I woke up today feeling pretty energized. I have a lot of things I want to get done today, like clean toilets...ew. So I won't be working out today because I have a lot of things I want to get done around the house. Get everything in order for the next few weeks and it'll be easier to stay on top of. I feel like I'm getting ready for some kind of marathon. Actually, I kind of am! One - technically - I signed up for the virtual 5 K at in January ( don't remember the date, it's near the end) so it's great that I've started running again. Second maraton would be the months that are December and January at our house. The days really seem long and mashed together.

      I'm starting to get stir crazy with no where to really go.  Sometimes Nina and I walk down the street to look at Christmas lights. She really likes them. Today I asked Adrian to pick me up so I could go to the grocery store with him after work because I can't remember the last time I even left the house to do something... Yes I can, it was last Thursday when I went to the gym/shopping. Next Sunday though we're going to pack up the baby and go for a walk down Candy Cane Lane. I am thinking of registering for a sleigh ride but I don't think that we'll be able to make it there in time since Adrian will be working till 6. I'll just throw Nina in her wrap when she's tired. Omg I'm so excited she's going to love it so much.  I'll save some room in the calories for hot chocolate.

     Well...enough beating around the bush, and onto the serious stuff! I failed my no drinking for 17 days last night when I decided to have some drinks, but now I'll be back on track again... not that it really matters I guess. Not only did I fail at that but I really over ate yesterday and the day before, for no good reason. I know that my TOM is coming soon and I get really hungry before then, and I get reaaaaaaaaallly friggin hungry on days that I work out... but I have to start trying harder. I haven't WI though, mostly because I'm scared of what I'll see!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Mmm tea.

     Woke up "early" this morning, 9:30 am. Early for us anyways. Todays Adrians early day at work too! Well he'll  be home at like 7. "Early". Something I clearly do not know the definition of. So I'm sipping my tea and enjoying my slow, quiet, morning. Soon Nina will go for a nap and I'll get to finally eat breakfast.  BELT sandwich today. OR I could go for my run and then eat breakfast afterward. OR I could shower today. OR clean my house. Good thing Adrians off early today I might get to do two things! ( hopefully one is shower... it's been a while.)

     December is a horrid month for us. It's high season at the mall so Adrians there 9-9 Mon-Saturday and 11-6 on Sundays.  He only gets to see the baby Sundays, which makes both of us very cranky chicks. Worth it in the end I guess. With being a FLASM and it being dark 80% of the day it's just really depressing.  I'll  have to think of some stress relievers. What a month to give up drinking D: though I've so far stuck to it!

     I've started drinking Green Detox tea in the morning. It says it will make me feel like a new person! I feel ripped off though cause I feel exactly the same. Maybe I need something with a little more caffeine.

     OH! Besides not drinking, I've also stuck to my goal of not weighing in until the 17th! (so far) although now that I'm thinking about it I have the urge to do it lol.  I won't though!!

     I was looking back 5 weeks at MFP and what I wrote in my notes ( you'd weigh  - - - lbs in 5 weeks.) I'm not where MFP thought I would be. I'm not where I thought I would be. 5 weeks ago MFP was telling me I would weigh 155 point whatever in 5 weeks. NOW when I complete my entry it's still saying the same thing. I'm hoping my caloric changes will actually help get me there because clearly whatever I was doing, wasn't working. It's annoying to me that I keep saying it's "not working" but when I look at my progress I'm doing fine. It's just that I'm working so hard I want instant gratification mindset I guess. I just keep wondering what changes, what I need to do to lose more, or lose faster. Instead of that I guess I should just work on being happy with the progress that I am making and not worry about what I am not doing.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

I'm going to blog for the sake of blogging.

     I really don't have anything of value to say today, just feel like talking.  Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was C-R-A-N-K-Y, and that is an understatement.  I'm going to go with a case of MEGA pms. Today I feel 1000% better. I ate two cookies I shouldn't have yesterday but I mean, c'mon. They're cookies, home made! and the first ones I've ever baked so I'm allowed.

     It's officially ( ok not officially, but it's snowing) winter here in Edmonton. Actually, I looked it up and the first day of winter this year is Adrian's birthday.  Our new house is sooooo dry I think I might just go ahead and buy stock in chapstick and body lotion because I'm going to drive up their sales. Does a humidifier help? I assume it would... being a humidifier and all.

     I have a bunch of plants in my TV room, but they've all started to die. ALL of them. I put one in the kitchen when we put up the Christmas tree and it's just come back to life. It used to just be a stick in the dirt, literally! Now it has bright green leaves and everything. I'll have to move the rest in here and see if all they needed was a little direct sunlight. They survived fine at our old place. I have no idea whats up with that.