Friday, February 24, 2012

I feel like I'm giving up.

     Or that I'm going to give up, or even that I gave up. I'm so overwhelmed with my MIL being here, and being in my face all day. I could seriously strangle her. Obviously I won't but I find myself just eating, and eating a lot. I was over my calories by 1000 calories today. I'm so mortified and ashamed. I made my diary private because I was too embarrassed to publically be honest, but too committed to not log it.  I was doing so well until Satan got here that I seriously feel like I totally blew it. I don't even know how I have so much anger in my body for one person but I do. I don't know why, but I do. I WISH I DIDN'T, OOOOH BUT I DO. One.more.week. One.more.week. God Grant me the serenity... to not kill the elderly.

    Tomorrow. Back on track, no excuses. I *might* even see what I can do for a work out. I feel bad leaving and just leaving Satan here alone but I'm seriously losing my frigging mind. A work out would be a great way to get myself back on track. If I can't go to the gym then maybe a run in the basement if I put on one of her movies from 1900 it might keep her occupied for a while. I just don't like people in my space when I'm working out and she's not the type to give any body privacy. BLAH, im so over even talking about her but I feel like I can't DO anything. I'm so fucking uncomfortable in my own home.

     I'm actually surprised this post is coming out so angry. Besides all this junk everything else in my life is going pretty darn great. I'm actually feeling HAPPIER then I have in just about as long as I can remember. I'm taking more time to concentrate on the me stuff. I taught myself how to do my own make up lol. I went on a date with my husband... which ended in me puking on my suede shoes but that's a story for another day. I'm feeling such a wacky range of emotions lately.

     I've been posting but I still feel absent from my blog. Like my posts didnt' say anything, or mean anything or give me the kind of emotional release it usually does. I feel that now, maybe this weight off my shoulders will help me get through the next week.


  1. Hey Sweetie. You are a human being not a machine. All these feelings are completely normal and you are under tons of stress. I adore my mother in law but I would FUCKING HATE IT if she came and stayed with me for an extended period of time. And she is, I'm sure you'll be reading the same kind of post from me, soon:)
    Hang in there Love, it'll get better.
    PS: want me to start a bail fund for you? Heheheh

  2. You can do this!
    I know the feeling of being ashamed. But don't let it go any farther than it has already. So what you had some bad days. Let it be just that! Don't let it be more.
    Trust me its soooo hard to get out of that funk. Get out early.
    You look so good, and are doing so good.
    Think about how far you have come, even just emotionally.

    I love my MIL and like hanging out with her. but to have ANYONE in your house and in your space for that long when you are used to it being a certain way would drive anyone insane.

  3. Thanks guys. You're making me feel so much better lol. I just have to remind myself it's just a few more days and not let it ruin anything I've done thus far. Stayyy focused.