Sorry in advance

I'm writing this from my iPad which always ends up not forming paragraphs, and between my own mess of spelling and autocorrect... Well we all know what happens when I iPad.

Anyways! Onto the good stuff. It's been a crazy week for me here. I signed up for the lose a marathon challenge at the blog run with Jess. I'm so impressed its so well done and organized. Yesterday was my first weigh in and I stayed at the same weight but after the week I had I'm just happy I didn't gain.

I've been in a really weird place emotionally and I've been working hard to just feel better. I haven't been ticking my calories as diligently as I should be but I haven't been going crazy. I have been drinking a ton of beer though lol. I went to a party, I threw a party! I've been. Going out with friends. I joined a baseball team and I still have my 5k coming up. Made new friends and I'm feeling a lot better and doing a better job at keeping myself busy. I've been feeling really bored with my life lately so I had to change something. It worked!

Anyways do back to the challenge. My goals are to get back to tracking my food, limit my beer intake, and to run more often then I have been. I know I can do it I just need to learn how to balance everything. Wish me luck!

Patience is key.

     If there is anything I have learned over the last year, it's patience. 365 days ago I started tracking my calories, and being more active. I don't know how serious I was about it, I didn't think I would make any progress.  Then when I started losing weight and I knew it wasn't as hard as I thought I got cocky. I thought man how easy is this? Why doesn't every body do it? Why wouldn't they?  I certainly didn't think I would hit a plateau and I really didn't think I would hit a plateau that lasted SIX.MONTHS. I did though, and I survived barely. I'm not where I thought I was going to be, but I'm okay with that now.

     There's been a lot of major changes in the last year and a lot of even bigger ones coming over the summer. I was going to write a post about all the things that I've accomplished over the last year or all the changes I've made, but I don't think I will. Instead I'll tell you all about where I am now, and what I am looking forward to.

     As of today I have lost 24 pounds, and 11.5 inches over all.  I'm in control of my eating habits ( for the most part, c'mon we all need cake sometimes.) I'm registering tomorrow for my first 5K run. I'm currently training for said run which is something I never though I would do a year ago. I didn't think I could. Generally I am so much happier. Unbelievably happy. Happy with myself and with the direction my life is taking. I feel like it's worth it now. I have a sense of accomplishment and it's not because I've lost a ton of weight or did great things this year but it's because I know that even when I feel like I'm failing I can stay committed and make real changes, and no matter how long it takes eventually I'll see the results I want. I am about 1/3rd of the way to where I want to be weight wise but mentally I feel like I'm 100% there already. I just hope my body doesn't take another 2 years to catch up.

     Well I hope this post didn't come off sounding cheesy and lame. I'm just so stoked and proud of myself. A year ago I wouldn't have said that but I feel like I deserve it now.

     Tomorrows a big day for our family, so wish us luck! :D

Happy Birthday Nina!

     Today is Ninas 2nd birthday. We're not really celebrating today though, we're going out for dinner and having cake on Monday. Her favorite restaurant, Red Robins. She loves when they sing. I'm so blessed! She really couldn't be more perfect. Okay, she could but I love her. She's so smart and learning so much, every day is something new. She's so active and energetic, I wish I had her stamina. Happy Birthday Nina!

     I have so much ranting I want to do, but it's her birthday and I won't. (About my parents, not her! She's an angel, obviously.)

     Enough about that, I posted my blog link in a forum that I post on a lot, and I think I've had more hits in the last 12 hours then I have in the last month which is just craziness. Thanks for the interest and an O HAI to my new followers.

Rainy days are here again.

     I'm not using that as an excuse though! Last night I put off my run for most of the day but I eventually did it. I started doing the C25K again, and I can feel such a difference from last time. Day 1 Week 1 was EASY. I even ran some of the walking. I thought about skipping the rest of Week 1 but I think I'd rather do it, and not get ahead of myself. Calories are good, working out is good and I'm staying motivated. It's a lot easier now and I'm glad that I didnt give up after being at a plateau of 162 for SO long. I can see such a difference in my endurance and even motivation to get up and just do it. It's crazy how so much can change in a year. Weighed in this morning and I was 159. Can't even remember the last time I saw 162 and I don't even care because it is HISTORY!

     I feel bummed because I can't blog as much as I want to, I either have to hijack Adrians laptop or use mine in safe mode. D: I just have to take it to the mall and get it fixed cause I didn't realize how much I needed it! I do wonder if any one out there even cares. I need to figure out how to stay interesting I suppose!

     I'm going to go add a ticker to my race day! I am SO.STOKED. nervous too, mostly stoked.

Was I scared, did I psyche myself out, or did I just give up.

     I started off with good intentions today. I packed up Nina, got ready and started my 5.8K walk/jog.  I was fine the first part, a little creepy being in the trees alone but nothing too bad. Talked to Nina and pointed out animals. Then we got to the lake where there was lots of other people, with kids and walking their dogs and I felt great. I thought no problem I'm going to rock this. Then I got to the ravine. It's quiet. There's no houses around, your deep in the ravine and I didn't see one other person for a while. I started to get nervous, then anxious. I thought ok keep going it's all in your head, there's no reason to be scared. You have your phone, you can RUN. I sped up a little bit. Still getting more anxious.  Right about the time I got to the area where a body was found a few months ago (this isn't a regular thing! I swear!  I tried to find an article but can't.) Anyways when I got to where the flowers were hanging by a bridge and there was a firepit then I started thinking about how homeless people live under bridges and then every time i walked over a bridge i pictured creepy homeless men coming out and raping me.  Well, I'm sad to say it got bad enough that I literally climed the side of the ravine to get out. With a 25 lb toddler on my back. I did that. It's kind of neat cause I actually ended up right on my street which I didn't even know was going to happen so SUPER helpful for me.

     When I got home I felt good, I retracked my route and I ended up only walking 4.25km. Now that I have a chance to reflect I keep beating myself up about it. I know that I was being crazy. I know that we were perfectly safe. I know people walk that trail hundreds of times. I know I've walked that trail alone before. I can't beat myself up about it, but I wonder if I was actually scared, did i just psyche myself out, or did I just quit and that was an excuse? It's hard with the anxiety to push myself when I know that even though my head is telling me that i am nuts, that I genuinely feel scared. I was really terrified. I really thought all those crazy things in my head about bridge trolls were going to come true. How do I get over that? How do I make sure that I keep my head on track next time?

     Luckily for paranoid assholes like me, Edmonton Police has a super handy tool called the Crime Map. All I have to do is look up the ravine and it shows me all the crimes in that area. Since January of this year there was only 1 crime in the area and thankfully ( for me!) it was neither a violent crime, or anything that would effect me at all. It was theft from a car under $5000. Luckily I don't drive and everything I own is much more then $5000.  So for now my mind is at ease, and next time I'll have to remember that I can do it and that it is as safe, if not safer then just walking down the street.

I don't think this photo really shows how steep it really is! I'll have to go get another photo later, I was SO impressed that I climbed up the side!

Bridge Trolls live here.