Emotional Eating

     For the last little while I've been really depressed, usually for no reason. I have a lot of great things in my life and really I have no reason to be down. I had what I would classify as "bad" days, and "good" days. Bad days being 90% of the time and the odd day I would consider "good". I would be sad, angry, have mood swings, freak outs, and I would EAT. I would eat everything I could. I would eat cause I was bored, or eat cause I was mad on bad days. On good days I would eat because it just felt so good. I would eat so much that it would cause guilt, anger and sadness the next day. Since my healthier lifestyle change, staying in my calories, SEEING RESULTS. I only have good days now. Instead of feeling like I had no future, I'm excited for it. I made a conscious effort to not rely on food to make me happy and it's paid off. It was dragging me down, and we were not friends.  I'm not saying we won't have a spat now and then, like all friends do... but I feel like we have a healthy relationship now.

     I read up on emotional eating. While I always knew I did it, I didn't know much about it. It seemed so simple, but what I didn't realize that was I couldn't pinpoint the moment when I decided "I'm mad, I'm going to eat ice cream" I didn't realize I did it. I had to be honest with myself about how I felt and why, and only then could I make the choice whether I needed that ice cream, or if a shower, or a walk, or a big cup of tea would be a better alternative. I've started thinking twice before I eat anything, at all. Do i need this? Do I even want it? If I'm upset I replace that big bag of chips with planning my meals on MFP, Reading encouraging words from other women like me. It doesn't seem like much, but it took me along time to get here. I feel completely in control of my eating habits, and my life, it's going just the way I want.

     I wake up now every day with this sense of excitement, for the day which I'm going to actually enjoy, and for the changes that I've made now and I'll see the results of in the future. Life doesn't get any better then this, I don't know how it could! I love waking up in the morning and coming to read your blogs and reading peoples threads on mfp and it's all so positive. It's the perfect boost I need to start my day. I'm so grateful for Ayla being there on the same mission. It just makes everything so much easier knowing that you're not alone, whether it's online or in real life. I could not ask for a better motivational partner. <3

Did you miss me?

     I did not realize it has been 5 days since my last update. I skipped 4 days of the shred, I binged almost all weekend and drank too. I weighed myself this morning and while I haven't gained anything I am disappointed with myself. I was back on track with my food today, and will be going back to my shred tomorrow. No pictures today of dinner but it was GOOD! I probably could have taken it easy on the sides but I am sosososos stuffed and didn't go over my calories for the day. I'm actually under by 124Cal and thought about some dessert (om nom nom) but I will stick with my tea instead.

     Besides all that nonsense, I'm totally STOKED on Big Brother 13 starting in just 10 days. House pictures come out tonight at midnight. I'm going to try and stay awake but I have a weird sharp pain in the back of my  head. I'm pretty sure it's cancer, or AIDS. I'll google all my symptoms later and let you all know what the diagnoses is.

     Since it is so beautiful out I am thinking of maybe going for a walk tonight, I live in the ghetto so I don't want to go too late at night. I've also been thinking about buying a heart rate monitor, so I can really track how many calories a day I am burning and making the most of my work outs and calorie counting by being as accurate as I can be. They're so expensive though, and I'm worried that the inexpensive ones won't be as good, or accurate though as the more expensive ones. I found one that I like the look of, and it's decently priced so I guess it can't hurt to ask the sales person but usually they don't know much about anything. It's the New Balance N4 Heart Rate Monitor. It's got all the features I'm looking for and I think it's pretty, and it fits in the budget.

     I looked up some reviews online and they all seem okay. If anybody has any personal experience, opinions, advice I'm open to it! Well, I guess that's about it for today. Back to work tomorrow. ( work in the sense of working out lol) Maybe as a "punishment" to myself I'll do the shred AND Aylas 100 work out every day for the first 10 days. That will teach me a lesson!!