Hmmm....

I don't even know where to start. I have been feeling like I was falling apart. Barely holding everything together. I've been depressed, even more then I let any one know. I thought the world would be a much better place with out me. I don't know where everything went wrong. It could have been anything. I stayed with an abusive boyfriend longer then I should have, I let people take advantage of me. I felt so alone I let people control me and hurt me so bad. I am incredibly broken, in a way I'm not sure can ever be fixed.  I'm taking Ativan for the anxiety, and seeing a therapist. I'm not sure what will happen next.  I don't know where my life is going but I know I need to leave the past in the past and focus on where I want to be and feeling better, being better. 

I should use that as my opening line on my dating profile, no? Today's better then yesterday, and hopefully tomorrows better then today. I want to get in my car and drive forever.  Unfortunately, I cannot. I have a date tonight and a meeting with my therapist. Overall good Tuesday? Wish me luck!

Still alive FYI!

10 lbs heavier but still alive. My computer is broken, the one I bought in December so that's really frustrating. Other then that life is pretty good. My boyfriends staying with me while trying to find a place and I love him to pieces but I need my space back :(. Not to mention we are terrible influences on each other and eat out for almost every meal. I start my first real grown up job on the 17th so I put my notice in at work and now I am enjoying a week off before going back to work full time.

Other then that not much is new here. Nina just turned three on Sunday. She's growing up so fast and I'm always shocked at how much stuff she knows and how quickly she picks up on things. Well dinners ready...coconut curry soup, yummy.   Ill definitely check in again soon!